You say you don't love him, but i see it in your eyes that you want him. I know that you need him, i can tell by the look on your face. When you see him, that you still care, i know somewhere in your heart you wish he was there.
No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it's by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice. - Matthew 10:32
I just want to feel safe with someone, to not always be wondering how he feels about me, to not always be waiting for him to walk away, to not always wishing he would love me back. I need to be able to trust that a man is there for me for the right reasons, because he cares enough to be there.
If you want to know the nature of love, look at a person when they have nothing left to give. And if they keep giving beyond that point- that is love. To give when you don't have to, to love when you can't love, to reach out when your hands are so weary that you can't even lift them.
love is always a good thing, no matter how much it hurts. even after it's over, even through the pain, anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter how much it hurt in the end. and if you tell me differently, i will tell you that you were not truly in love
I’m so scared that one day you’ll finally feel the same about me, but I’ll have finally gotten over you. That’s why I can’t let go.
The thing is you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there. You are there. I never need to pretend when I'm around you, when I'm talking to you. when I'm with you. You're hilarious. You make me laugh, like, all the time. You seem to pick up when something is wrong with me, before anyone else. And you know exactly what to say to make it all okay, and even if it's only for a little while, it helps. I love you.
And it's been running through my head, all the things you ever said, and even though you don't feel the same, I wish for you everyday.
___________________________________________________________
livin for the weekendsssss. yes m'am.
love,
mojo
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
first of firsts
tonight's my first night, alone, in my new house. it's exciting and a little sad at the same time. i never thought i'd miss my roomie, gg, as much as i do. she annoyed the hell out of me but she did a damn fine job at keeping me company and being there when i needed her most. and for that- i love you g. i also miss being able to walk a block over to a's house, for booze, fires, food and chats. a- you've always been there when i needed you as well, i love you sooo much babycakes.
tomorrow morning marks the beginning of my future. my internship begins in approximately nine hours and i'm really looking forward to this experience. at the same time, i'm sad that i have to be 45+ minutes away from my friends and family that i care most about for most of my summer vacay.
as i lay here alone and float in my own mind, i'm a mix of emotions- those fueling this post.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
You could see it in her eyes. when someone talked about him, when she saw him, she loved him and it killed her.
It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.
We humans can tolerate suffering, but we cannot tolerate meaninglessness.
I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.
Boy you know you could have her in a heartbeat, but she’s getting kind of sick of waiting.
I got a hard head, I get that from my dad. And I can overreact maybe just a tad. I put up walls to show the world I'm tough. When I don't get my way, I get difficult.
I just don't get how I'm supposed to get over you. Alright I understand you don't like me to where you want to date me but you're not dating anyone else. You always call me to hang out and we talk like we used to. You tell me everything and I basically fall back in love with you. I want to be your friend, I want you in my life, but god I'm so sick of this feeling. The feeling that everytime we talk or see each other it means a hell of a lot more to me than it does to you.
I been through the struggle and found a piece of mind, but, time after time, a girl still gotta break down and cry.
Girls read between the lines, analyze everything you say, and her late night conversations are filled with backspaces in what she's trying to say.
When you're forced to stand alone, you realize what you have in you.
Happiness is only real when shared.
The most ironic thing of all is, I think this will be the most difficult breakup ever, and we never even went
out.
Now I wait by the phone in the dark, drunk on hope. I'm so lost, I'm so alone. I just want you to know everywhere that I go I'm reminded of us. Where we've been, all we've done, and all the love that we shared once.
Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing.
*best advice, ever
I'm the kind of girl you can hear from miles away, the kind that if you're sad, it's her job to make you happy. The kind of girl who keeps messing up & saying, "Oops, sorry." I trip over everything. I'm such a klutz & get so mad at the simplest things, But I'm the girl who holds everything back. If you ask me what's wrong, I'll just lie & smile saying, "Oh, nothing." The girl who's afraid to love because she's already lost so much.
Maybe we’re too young & I don’t even know what’s real. But I know I’ve never wanted anything so bad. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad.
I just want to run. I want to disappear. I want to be someone else. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to give up. I want you back. I want to tell you you're an ass. I want to punch you in the face. I want to be happy. I want to let you go. I want to tell you I love you and not cry. I want to tell you I miss you so much. I want to stop crying. I want to stop being sad. I want to tell you what's on my mind. I want to be able to live without you. I want to live with you.
I wish we could give it a go, see if we could be something again.
Thinking of you is easy. I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.
I can't get used to life without you, close my eyes, see your face and nothing seems to ease the pain. And I just can't get through these nights without you. Close my eyes, see your face, I only have myself to blame.
At first you think it’s great you’re talking to him again, but then you start talking about things that happened before, bringing back old memories, and then you realize how much you really miss him and you get to thinking you really want him back, but you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him, and it hurts.
Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.
The hardest part is waking up in the morning and remembering what you had been trying so hard to forget the night before.
Strength isn't about how much you can handle before you break. It's about how much you can handle after you break.
No matter how much you force a compass to point where you want, it will always point north when left alone. Here I am alone,and all I do is point towards you.
I finally realized this is never going to end, everytime he talks to me those feelings come right back.
It's just another lonely night staying up too late, thinking too much, and missing him way too much.
I keep on running and nothing works. I can't get away from you now. I keep on ducking you and nothing helps. I can't stop missing you.
I gave up trying to figure out what it means when you look that way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done, and looking back, I know that I should have told you how much you've always meant to me.
Wounds heal faster if you don't risk constantly reopening them.
I hate how being just friends is good enough for you. I hate how you joke around just like we used to. I hate how you just go on like it doesn't hurt you.
I just don't get it, what am I to you? I know I'm not just a friend and if you think that then you're lying to yourself.
The days are cold living without you, the nights are long. I'm growing older, I miss the days of old. Thinkin' about you. You maybe gone, but you're never over.
I just hope you miss me a little when I'm gone.
Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.
I love this. It's like from the moment we see each other, there is constant laughter and sarcasm and commentary. We never run out of things to talk about, yet sitting in silence is just as good. I'm completely comfortable with you. You're different. With you it's like an automatic haven. I feel fully and completely safe with you. Oh, and this stupid smile that's always across my face, thats a plus too.
I know I'm to blame, but it kills me to know that I made you hate me, like you've erased me. And I know what they say, they say you'll be happier, better off without me. and that kills me.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
love,
mojo
tomorrow morning marks the beginning of my future. my internship begins in approximately nine hours and i'm really looking forward to this experience. at the same time, i'm sad that i have to be 45+ minutes away from my friends and family that i care most about for most of my summer vacay.
as i lay here alone and float in my own mind, i'm a mix of emotions- those fueling this post.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
You could see it in her eyes. when someone talked about him, when she saw him, she loved him and it killed her.
It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.
We humans can tolerate suffering, but we cannot tolerate meaninglessness.
I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.
Boy you know you could have her in a heartbeat, but she’s getting kind of sick of waiting.
I got a hard head, I get that from my dad. And I can overreact maybe just a tad. I put up walls to show the world I'm tough. When I don't get my way, I get difficult.
I just don't get how I'm supposed to get over you. Alright I understand you don't like me to where you want to date me but you're not dating anyone else. You always call me to hang out and we talk like we used to. You tell me everything and I basically fall back in love with you. I want to be your friend, I want you in my life, but god I'm so sick of this feeling. The feeling that everytime we talk or see each other it means a hell of a lot more to me than it does to you.
I been through the struggle and found a piece of mind, but, time after time, a girl still gotta break down and cry.
Girls read between the lines, analyze everything you say, and her late night conversations are filled with backspaces in what she's trying to say.
When you're forced to stand alone, you realize what you have in you.
Happiness is only real when shared.
The most ironic thing of all is, I think this will be the most difficult breakup ever, and we never even went
out.
Now I wait by the phone in the dark, drunk on hope. I'm so lost, I'm so alone. I just want you to know everywhere that I go I'm reminded of us. Where we've been, all we've done, and all the love that we shared once.
Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing.
*best advice, ever
I'm the kind of girl you can hear from miles away, the kind that if you're sad, it's her job to make you happy. The kind of girl who keeps messing up & saying, "Oops, sorry." I trip over everything. I'm such a klutz & get so mad at the simplest things, But I'm the girl who holds everything back. If you ask me what's wrong, I'll just lie & smile saying, "Oh, nothing." The girl who's afraid to love because she's already lost so much.
Maybe we’re too young & I don’t even know what’s real. But I know I’ve never wanted anything so bad. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad.
I just want to run. I want to disappear. I want to be someone else. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to give up. I want you back. I want to tell you you're an ass. I want to punch you in the face. I want to be happy. I want to let you go. I want to tell you I love you and not cry. I want to tell you I miss you so much. I want to stop crying. I want to stop being sad. I want to tell you what's on my mind. I want to be able to live without you. I want to live with you.
I wish we could give it a go, see if we could be something again.
Thinking of you is easy. I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.
I can't get used to life without you, close my eyes, see your face and nothing seems to ease the pain. And I just can't get through these nights without you. Close my eyes, see your face, I only have myself to blame.
At first you think it’s great you’re talking to him again, but then you start talking about things that happened before, bringing back old memories, and then you realize how much you really miss him and you get to thinking you really want him back, but you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him, and it hurts.
Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.
The hardest part is waking up in the morning and remembering what you had been trying so hard to forget the night before.
Strength isn't about how much you can handle before you break. It's about how much you can handle after you break.
No matter how much you force a compass to point where you want, it will always point north when left alone. Here I am alone,and all I do is point towards you.
I finally realized this is never going to end, everytime he talks to me those feelings come right back.
It's just another lonely night staying up too late, thinking too much, and missing him way too much.
I keep on running and nothing works. I can't get away from you now. I keep on ducking you and nothing helps. I can't stop missing you.
I gave up trying to figure out what it means when you look that way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done, and looking back, I know that I should have told you how much you've always meant to me.
Wounds heal faster if you don't risk constantly reopening them.
I hate how being just friends is good enough for you. I hate how you joke around just like we used to. I hate how you just go on like it doesn't hurt you.
I just don't get it, what am I to you? I know I'm not just a friend and if you think that then you're lying to yourself.
The days are cold living without you, the nights are long. I'm growing older, I miss the days of old. Thinkin' about you. You maybe gone, but you're never over.
I just hope you miss me a little when I'm gone.
Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.
I love this. It's like from the moment we see each other, there is constant laughter and sarcasm and commentary. We never run out of things to talk about, yet sitting in silence is just as good. I'm completely comfortable with you. You're different. With you it's like an automatic haven. I feel fully and completely safe with you. Oh, and this stupid smile that's always across my face, thats a plus too.
I know I'm to blame, but it kills me to know that I made you hate me, like you've erased me. And I know what they say, they say you'll be happier, better off without me. and that kills me.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
love,
mojo
Monday, May 16, 2011
i'm just livin
Don't be careless, just care less
I guess I'll ignore what I feel. Somehow I'll have to try and deal. I just have one more thing to say. I hope you realize what you missed some day.
I'm looking for the slightest sign that you miss what you left behind.
Everything is different now. Why are you so distant now? Everything has changed. Yeah, nothing is the same, Since the day you went away, nothing feels at all okay with me.
He taught me how to trust myself. He taught me how I should love every flaw. He taught me that no matter what, I should just make the decision and jump and not regret it.
I want to be with someone real. Someone who never has to pretend and who I never have to pretend around. Someone who's smart but knows how to laugh at himself. Someone who would listen to a symphony and start to cry because he understands that music can be too big for words. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. Someone I want to talk to first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone I feel like I've known my whole life even if I haven't
No one knows about you and me. No one knows how much I cared about you and how much I still do. No one knows about all the secrets we shared and all the good times we had. No one knows how all these thoughts of you still haunt me every day. No one knows and no one will ever understand why I can’t get over you.
I just wanna feel okay again. Everything that's happened lately has been stretching my strength to it's very ends. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I feel like I'm drowning, literally. I've been fighting this current for so long and I have been fighting desperately to stay at the surface. But now, all I wanna do is give up. Someone please rescue me?
Everyone tells you that you deserve better, but no one is willing to give it to you.
I am incredibly awkward and negative. I get attached easily and I hold on for too long. I don't like opening up to people. Most five year old children can express their feelings better than me. I hide behind my fake smiles. I'm probably one of the most difficult people you will ever meet. But I can be sweet. I'm a great listener. I'll guard your secrets with my life. I will never judge you based on your mistakes and I'll love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life.
I miss that feeling. The feeling you get when you have someone in your life you can tell things to. A person that you can tell all your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Knowing that they are truly listening. The feeling of a person who wants to talk to you, because you are you. The feeling of a friend.
Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I’ve sat in my room and cried, how many times I’ve lost hope, how many times I’ve been let down. Nobody knows how many times I’ve had to hold back the tears, how many times I’ve felt like I’m about to snap but don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever I’m sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me, and thats what I hate the most.
Don't lose yourself in attempt to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.
Sometimes you just need to be alone. Sometimes not even your best friends need to know. Sometimes you just need to put up the walls so you can examine yourself in the peace and quiet. Sometimes the loud sounds need to fade away, leaving only the silence and you. That's it.
People hurt me, criticize me, turn their backs on me, time and time again. They kill me slowly, and then ask me what my problem is.
We refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.
When you finally realize you don't matter at all to someone you begin to wonder if you matter to anyone.
Life is your professor, know that bitch is gonna test you.
And after all of this, I’m still confused. I’m still not sure how I feel about you. I’m still not sure how you feel about me. I don’t know if you ever cried over me, like I cried over you. But one thing I’m certain about is, I will never find another you.
She has feelings, she has a heart. In fact, she probably has the biggest heart among all the girls you know. Because although you’ve given her nothing, not one reason for her to be around, she’s still there. And someday, she won’t be anymore.
You’re gonna realize you miss this.
I act like shit don’t phase, inside it drives me crazy.
Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is always the most lonely person, so never leave them alone because they will never say that they need you.
So let’s drink to memories we shared, down one for all the hopes and cares. Here’s two for being unaware that you’re gone because before too long you’ll be a memory.
You never know what you have lost 'til you are standing in a room with that person not being able to call them yours.
We stopped checking for monsters under our beds because we realized they were inside us.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.
It's hard to look for something new when what you want is right in front of you.
What makes some people important? It's not just the happiness that you feel when you see them, but it's also the pain you feel when you miss them.
You see, the same one I'm missing is basically the reason I became something different.
I'm not saying I'm the nicest. I just live life like it.
I try to be nice, I really do. But sometimes all I want to say is screw you.
I don't necessarily want to be happy, I just want to stop feeling miserable.
Maybe my face doesn't light up when I see you anymore, but my heart still does.
I can take on as many classes as I want and go out every chance I get, but there's still always room for you in my mind.
I know that I should just let go, walk away, and not look back. But I don't think I could handle knowing that you wouldn't care if I did.
I don't care. And I'll keep telling myself that until it's true.
I sit here and wonder if you will ever understand just how much of me belonged to you.
And sometimes, I just feel so alone.
_________________________________________________________
it's finals week!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!
3 days of finals, 3 days off, NEW JOB/INTERNSHIP, NEW HOUSE, summer classes :(
school's ending and starting basically at the same time, but there's SOOOO much excitement in my life right now. i cannot wait!
love,
mojo
I guess I'll ignore what I feel. Somehow I'll have to try and deal. I just have one more thing to say. I hope you realize what you missed some day.
I'm looking for the slightest sign that you miss what you left behind.
Everything is different now. Why are you so distant now? Everything has changed. Yeah, nothing is the same, Since the day you went away, nothing feels at all okay with me.
He taught me how to trust myself. He taught me how I should love every flaw. He taught me that no matter what, I should just make the decision and jump and not regret it.
I want to be with someone real. Someone who never has to pretend and who I never have to pretend around. Someone who's smart but knows how to laugh at himself. Someone who would listen to a symphony and start to cry because he understands that music can be too big for words. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. Someone I want to talk to first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone I feel like I've known my whole life even if I haven't
No one knows about you and me. No one knows how much I cared about you and how much I still do. No one knows about all the secrets we shared and all the good times we had. No one knows how all these thoughts of you still haunt me every day. No one knows and no one will ever understand why I can’t get over you.
I just wanna feel okay again. Everything that's happened lately has been stretching my strength to it's very ends. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I feel like I'm drowning, literally. I've been fighting this current for so long and I have been fighting desperately to stay at the surface. But now, all I wanna do is give up. Someone please rescue me?
Everyone tells you that you deserve better, but no one is willing to give it to you.
I am incredibly awkward and negative. I get attached easily and I hold on for too long. I don't like opening up to people. Most five year old children can express their feelings better than me. I hide behind my fake smiles. I'm probably one of the most difficult people you will ever meet. But I can be sweet. I'm a great listener. I'll guard your secrets with my life. I will never judge you based on your mistakes and I'll love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life.
I miss that feeling. The feeling you get when you have someone in your life you can tell things to. A person that you can tell all your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Knowing that they are truly listening. The feeling of a person who wants to talk to you, because you are you. The feeling of a friend.
Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I’ve sat in my room and cried, how many times I’ve lost hope, how many times I’ve been let down. Nobody knows how many times I’ve had to hold back the tears, how many times I’ve felt like I’m about to snap but don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever I’m sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me, and thats what I hate the most.
Don't lose yourself in attempt to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.
Sometimes you just need to be alone. Sometimes not even your best friends need to know. Sometimes you just need to put up the walls so you can examine yourself in the peace and quiet. Sometimes the loud sounds need to fade away, leaving only the silence and you. That's it.
People hurt me, criticize me, turn their backs on me, time and time again. They kill me slowly, and then ask me what my problem is.
We refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.
When you finally realize you don't matter at all to someone you begin to wonder if you matter to anyone.
Life is your professor, know that bitch is gonna test you.
And after all of this, I’m still confused. I’m still not sure how I feel about you. I’m still not sure how you feel about me. I don’t know if you ever cried over me, like I cried over you. But one thing I’m certain about is, I will never find another you.
She has feelings, she has a heart. In fact, she probably has the biggest heart among all the girls you know. Because although you’ve given her nothing, not one reason for her to be around, she’s still there. And someday, she won’t be anymore.
You’re gonna realize you miss this.
I act like shit don’t phase, inside it drives me crazy.
Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is always the most lonely person, so never leave them alone because they will never say that they need you.
So let’s drink to memories we shared, down one for all the hopes and cares. Here’s two for being unaware that you’re gone because before too long you’ll be a memory.
You never know what you have lost 'til you are standing in a room with that person not being able to call them yours.
We stopped checking for monsters under our beds because we realized they were inside us.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.
It's hard to look for something new when what you want is right in front of you.
What makes some people important? It's not just the happiness that you feel when you see them, but it's also the pain you feel when you miss them.
You see, the same one I'm missing is basically the reason I became something different.
I'm not saying I'm the nicest. I just live life like it.
I try to be nice, I really do. But sometimes all I want to say is screw you.
I don't necessarily want to be happy, I just want to stop feeling miserable.
Maybe my face doesn't light up when I see you anymore, but my heart still does.
I can take on as many classes as I want and go out every chance I get, but there's still always room for you in my mind.
I know that I should just let go, walk away, and not look back. But I don't think I could handle knowing that you wouldn't care if I did.
I don't care. And I'll keep telling myself that until it's true.
I sit here and wonder if you will ever understand just how much of me belonged to you.
And sometimes, I just feel so alone.
_________________________________________________________
it's finals week!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!
3 days of finals, 3 days off, NEW JOB/INTERNSHIP, NEW HOUSE, summer classes :(
school's ending and starting basically at the same time, but there's SOOOO much excitement in my life right now. i cannot wait!
love,
mojo
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
i never told you
i just held it in, so now i miss everything about you.
another day in the life.... here's what today's like:
*side note, i had this HUGE post prepared, and blogger crashed on me. fml. i'll work on getting the rest up later
And nobody knows that I still fall asleep thinking about you.
When I'm with you, I am calm.
There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that do not find relief in music.
I wish I could've been the girl who you loved that finally loved you back.
Time passes too quickly when we're together and too slowly when we're apart. I never knew that time could change forever, until you stole my heart.
I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been if we would have stayed together in spite of the miles that separate us. I can't live my life happily knowing you're with someone else. That would kill a part of me. What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throw it away. I don't want it to end this way. I don't want it to end at all. I can't force you to stay with me, but no matter what happens in my life, I'll never forget my time with you
I'd like to go anywhere with you, anywhere but here
Everyday I smile and act like nothing's wrong. It's called putting everything aside and simply being strong.
Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary.
At the end of the day, you've got to focus on the things that bring you together not the forces that separate you.
I thought a broken heart was the worst feeling possible, but I was wrong. Regrets are sitting right before it.
Your eyes are by far the sweetest stars I've ever seen.
Wish you were here. Wish I was there. Wish it was different. Wish wishes came true.
_____________________________
in the mean time, check out my tumblr:
http://livethelifeyou-love.tumblr.com/
love,
mojo
another day in the life.... here's what today's like:
*side note, i had this HUGE post prepared, and blogger crashed on me. fml. i'll work on getting the rest up later
And nobody knows that I still fall asleep thinking about you.
When I'm with you, I am calm.
There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that do not find relief in music.
I wish I could've been the girl who you loved that finally loved you back.
Time passes too quickly when we're together and too slowly when we're apart. I never knew that time could change forever, until you stole my heart.
I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about you and dreaming of what might have been if we would have stayed together in spite of the miles that separate us. I can't live my life happily knowing you're with someone else. That would kill a part of me. What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throw it away. I don't want it to end this way. I don't want it to end at all. I can't force you to stay with me, but no matter what happens in my life, I'll never forget my time with you
I'd like to go anywhere with you, anywhere but here
Everyday I smile and act like nothing's wrong. It's called putting everything aside and simply being strong.
Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary.
At the end of the day, you've got to focus on the things that bring you together not the forces that separate you.
I thought a broken heart was the worst feeling possible, but I was wrong. Regrets are sitting right before it.
Your eyes are by far the sweetest stars I've ever seen.
Wish you were here. Wish I was there. Wish it was different. Wish wishes came true.
_____________________________
in the mean time, check out my tumblr:
http://livethelifeyou-love.tumblr.com/
love,
mojo
Monday, May 9, 2011
life
what a life i live.
i miss you. i miss being happy. i miss the part of me you took when everything ended. i miss having someone to talk to. i miss having someone to believe me; someone to believe in me. i miss feeling like i'm a part of something. i miss feeling accepted. i miss the sense of internal sunshine. i miss how happy the simplest things made me. i miss how beautiful life used to be. i miss who i used to be. i miss who you used to be. i miss my life.
i hate the way things are. i hate the hurt. i hate the tears. i hate the fact that i have to bite my lips to contain these tears. i hate that i lied. i hate that this ugly person became me. i hate not knowing who i am. i hate being your friend. i hate thinking about you with anyone else. i hate goodbyes. i hate watching you leave. i hate knowing that you're moving on and i'm not. i hate your half-ass apologies. i hate that i brought all of this upon myself. i hate that i brought all of this upon you and g and s. i hate how stupid i was. i hate how empty i feel. i hate who i am and the way that my life is. i hate listening to songs with you in the car, singing the lyrics that directly apply to the way that i'm feeling- knowing that you don't care anymore. i hate how i can't focus anymore. i hate that my life feels so empty and meaningless.i hate the crying. i hate the screaming. i hate the nightmares. i hate waking up in the morning thinking you're still mine and realizing you're not. but most of all- i hate myself.
i want the pain to stop. i want you to be able to trust me. i want g and s to be able to trust me and to not hate me. i want to deal with this on my own time and in my own way without all these people pushing themselves on me. i want you in my life- even if you have to be my friend. i want you to be happy. i want you to know that you're loved, every day. i want you to know that i love you, every day. i want you to know that i'll always be here. always. i want to be able to feel again. i want to be myself again. i want the tears to stop. i want the nightmares to stop. i want to stop feeling so empty and lifeless. i want to love myself again. i want to be a better person. i want to be someone my nieces and nephews are proud to look up to. i want to have a better relationship with my sisters- i want my baby sister to look up to me. i want to be proud of myself. i want you to be proud of me. i want you to know how sorry i am. but most of all- i want my sense of normalcy back. i want to be me again. i want to be happy. i want to feel loved. i want to smile and mean it.
love,
mojo
i miss you. i miss being happy. i miss the part of me you took when everything ended. i miss having someone to talk to. i miss having someone to believe me; someone to believe in me. i miss feeling like i'm a part of something. i miss feeling accepted. i miss the sense of internal sunshine. i miss how happy the simplest things made me. i miss how beautiful life used to be. i miss who i used to be. i miss who you used to be. i miss my life.
i hate the way things are. i hate the hurt. i hate the tears. i hate the fact that i have to bite my lips to contain these tears. i hate that i lied. i hate that this ugly person became me. i hate not knowing who i am. i hate being your friend. i hate thinking about you with anyone else. i hate goodbyes. i hate watching you leave. i hate knowing that you're moving on and i'm not. i hate your half-ass apologies. i hate that i brought all of this upon myself. i hate that i brought all of this upon you and g and s. i hate how stupid i was. i hate how empty i feel. i hate who i am and the way that my life is. i hate listening to songs with you in the car, singing the lyrics that directly apply to the way that i'm feeling- knowing that you don't care anymore. i hate how i can't focus anymore. i hate that my life feels so empty and meaningless.i hate the crying. i hate the screaming. i hate the nightmares. i hate waking up in the morning thinking you're still mine and realizing you're not. but most of all- i hate myself.
i want the pain to stop. i want you to be able to trust me. i want g and s to be able to trust me and to not hate me. i want to deal with this on my own time and in my own way without all these people pushing themselves on me. i want you in my life- even if you have to be my friend. i want you to be happy. i want you to know that you're loved, every day. i want you to know that i love you, every day. i want you to know that i'll always be here. always. i want to be able to feel again. i want to be myself again. i want the tears to stop. i want the nightmares to stop. i want to stop feeling so empty and lifeless. i want to love myself again. i want to be a better person. i want to be someone my nieces and nephews are proud to look up to. i want to have a better relationship with my sisters- i want my baby sister to look up to me. i want to be proud of myself. i want you to be proud of me. i want you to know how sorry i am. but most of all- i want my sense of normalcy back. i want to be me again. i want to be happy. i want to feel loved. i want to smile and mean it.
love,
mojo
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