first of firsts

tonight's my first night, alone, in my new house. it's exciting and a little sad at the same time. i never thought i'd miss my roomie, gg, as much as i do. she annoyed the hell out of me but she did a damn fine job at keeping me company and being there when i needed her most. and for that- i love you g. i also miss being able to walk a block over to a's house, for booze, fires, food and chats. a- you've always been there when i needed you as well, i love you sooo much babycakes.

tomorrow morning marks the beginning of my future. my internship begins in approximately nine hours and i'm really looking forward to this experience. at the same time, i'm sad that i have to be 45+ minutes away from my friends and family that i care most about for most of my summer vacay.

as i lay here alone and float in my own mind, i'm a mix of emotions- those fueling this post.

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You could see it in her eyes. when someone talked about him, when she saw him, she loved him and it killed her.

It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.
 
We humans can tolerate suffering, but we cannot tolerate meaninglessness.

I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.

 Boy you know you could have her in a heartbeat, but she’s getting kind of sick of waiting.

I got a hard head, I get that from my dad. And I can overreact maybe just a tad. I put up walls to show the world I'm tough. When I don't get my way, I get difficult.

I just don't get how I'm supposed to get over you. Alright I understand you don't like me to where you want to date me but you're not dating anyone else. You always call me to hang out and we talk like we used to. You tell me everything and I basically fall back in love with you. I want to be your friend, I want you in my life, but god I'm so sick of this feeling. The feeling that everytime we talk or see each other it means a hell of a lot more to me than it does to you.

I been through the struggle and found a piece of mind, but, time after time, a girl still gotta break down and cry.

Girls read between the lines, analyze everything you say, and her late night conversations are filled with backspaces in what she's trying to say.

When you're forced to stand alone, you realize what you have in you.

Happiness is only real when shared.

The most ironic thing of all is, I think this will be the most difficult breakup ever, and we never even went
out.      

 Now I wait by the phone in the dark, drunk on hope. I'm so lost, I'm so alone. I just want you to know everywhere that I go I'm reminded of us. Where we've been, all we've done, and all the love that we shared once.

Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing.
*best advice, ever

I'm the kind of girl you can hear from miles away, the kind that if you're sad,  it's her job to make you happy. The kind of girl who keeps messing up  & saying, "Oops, sorry." I trip over everything. I'm such a klutz & get so mad at the simplest things, But I'm the girl who holds everything back. If you ask me what's wrong, I'll just lie & smile saying, "Oh, nothing." The girl who's afraid to love because she's already lost so much.

Maybe we’re too young & I don’t even know what’s real. But I know I’ve never wanted anything so bad. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad.

I just want to run. I want to disappear. I want to be someone else. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to give up. I want you back. I want to tell you you're an ass. I want to punch you in the face. I want to be happy. I want to let you go. I want to tell you I love you and not cry. I want to tell you I miss you so much. I want to stop crying. I want to stop being sad. I want to tell you what's on my mind. I want to be able to live without you. I want to live with you.

I wish we could give it a go, see if we could be something again.

Thinking of you is easy. I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away.      

 I can't get used to life without you, close my eyes, see your face and nothing seems to ease the pain. And I just can't get through these nights without you. Close my eyes, see your face, I only have myself to blame.

 At first you think it’s great you’re talking to him again, but then you start talking about things that happened before, bringing back old memories, and then you realize how much you really miss him and you get to thinking you really want him back, but you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him, and it hurts.

Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard. 

The hardest part is waking up in the morning and remembering what you had been trying so hard to forget the night before. 

Strength isn't about how much you can handle before you break. It's about how much you can handle after you break.

No matter how much you force a compass to point where you want, it will always point north when left alone. Here I am alone,and all I do is point towards you.

I finally realized this is never going to end, everytime he talks to me those feelings come right back.

It's just another lonely night staying up too late, thinking too much, and missing him way too much.

I keep on running and nothing works. I can't get away from you now. I keep on ducking you and nothing helps. I can't stop missing you.

I gave up trying to figure out what it means when you look that way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done, and looking back, I know that I should have told you how much you've always meant to me.

Wounds heal faster if you don't risk constantly reopening them.

I hate how being just friends is good enough for you. I hate how you joke around just like we used to. I hate how you just go on like it doesn't hurt you.

I just don't get it, what am I to you? I know I'm not just a friend and if you think that then you're lying to yourself.

The days are cold living without you, the nights are long. I'm growing older, I miss the days of old. Thinkin' about you. You maybe gone, but you're never over.

I just hope you miss me a little when I'm gone.

Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.

I love this. It's like from the moment we see each other, there is constant laughter and sarcasm and commentary.  We never run out of things to talk about, yet sitting in silence is just as good. I'm completely comfortable with you. You're different. With you it's like an automatic haven. I feel fully and completely safe with you. Oh, and this stupid smile that's always across my face, thats a plus too.

I know I'm to blame, but it kills me to know that I made you hate me, like you've erased me. And I know what they say, they say you'll be happier, better off without me. and that kills me.
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love,


mojo